


fight because you don't know how to die quietly

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M, coffeeshop, highschool, mafia, more aus and tropes to be added, that fking tumblr post made me do it, tw sight mentions of murder, tw slight mentions of vore and cannabilism in chapter two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26474689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Rule #1 of Mafia :Don't fall in love with your target
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9
Collections: anon, anonymous





	1. first day of highschool

**Author's Note:**

> how to describe this? 
> 
> a mildly well-written crack fic

The gates of this godforbbiden school are looming over him, shadowing over him like the mafia boss. 

His wings crinkle around him , shining in the light , his bowler hat sweaty on top of his head. 

Just one year , get in , get out.

He notices a group of satyr’s passing by , and he swiftly flutters away to a nearby tree to get away from them, waiting for the bell that was supposed to ring . His wings nearly gives out when he reaches the branch , but years in the mafia allow his instinct to tumble onto the branch instead of crashing.

His phone is ringing non-stop , dings occasionally piercing the seemingly never ending tone , quickly his wings wrap around him to create a shelid around him , as he shoves his hand into the bag he was given to dig the offending object out. 

He opens the device , only to see it was an irritating scam call , his lockscreen is covered in messages from Soot. He bites his lip , then quickly blocks the number before shoving his phone back into the bag as the bell blares out. 

As he jumps off the branch, and runs into the school for the opening day activities , he runs through his introduction, the back-story he was given for the assignment. 

“My name is Daniel , I’m a senior who moved here, I’m a fairy onceler . I work at the Dublin Coffee Shop after-school.”   
I’ve been assigned to murder a member of the rival mafia who goes here.

He can do this , he can do this.

-  
He quickly makes his way into the crowded gym , nearly tripping over a couple of satyrs and a familiar or two pass through him , leaving him freezing in the boiling gym. Dan lifts his head up and spots a perch on top for the fairies , there’s one in the corner that’s a perfect vantage point to scan the large crowd.

Swiftly as he could, he took off to the perch and listened as the sounds of the crowd slowly became softer. Landing on the perch on the tips of his shoes, he quickly sets his bag down and plops down on the perch to look at the messages from Soot.

He unlocks the phone, and opens the messages app only to find about a hundred messages of rickrolls and messages about meetings he’s most certainly going to miss. 

Quickly, he types out a message to Soot, praying that the hybrid would be online.

RT : who the fuck am I looking for in this crowd again 

Soot : Someone’s in a mood

Soot is typing…….

Soot : (target.jpg)

The target looks suspiciously like him , but with curlier hair , and a wider smile. The information box stated that his name was Jim Pickens , with no known hybrid . The boss told him that this man was a threat to the mafia , this man had caused the murders and disappearings of hundreds of people. He’s never met the man , and from the photo he call tell that he would a charming m-  
His face suddenly flames up and he prays to the boss that none of the fairies near him are noticing him suddenly becoming drunk. He shakes away the emotions and instead attempts to search for the man in the crowd. 

He severely underestimated how large this highschool was.

The crowd has grown from a small mob to a football game since he texted Soot. And it was getting bigger as he looked. Suddenly he felt a jerk as the walls of the gymnasium were widened to fit the crowd. The tanks for the mermaids were spreading with the walls , as well as the tree connecting the perches for the fairies. Once the gym finished expanding , the lights shut off with a quiet click. 

An air of panic went off in the room , but he wasn’t that bothered , growing up with the mafia , meant growing up with the most dramatic people on earth. A spotlight went on in the middle of the room , and he picked up on a click of a megaphone. 

“WELCOME TO YOUTUBE HIGH EVERYONE!”

His eardrums must hate him right now.

The vibrations rang loud and clear through the room , and everyone’s hands immediately went to their ears to try in vain to protect their eardrums. The ringing stopped and the megaphone suddenly had a body attached to it. A ghost to be exact. 

“I HOPE YOU ALL ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY!........”

It was at this point that he realized that it was pointless trying to listen to the ghost who was currently destroyingg everyone’s ears. So he quietly snuck off the branch , and quietly swooped down to the floor. Everyone was too distracted by the screaming ghost to even pay attention to the fluttering noises and light shimmers his wings left behind. 

Going off the information that he was given , he first searched the bleachers where the satyrs , centuars , and other ground creatures sat. Not a single one of them fit the description of the man in the photo. Next , he fluttered up to the tanks where the mermaids and other water creatures swam around. Why they had to create these tanks when they could survive easily on land? He would never know. The mermaids were a bit more suspicious of him flying around scanning their tanks , but they were too distracted by the vibirations echoing around in the tanks. He saw a glimpse of a man that looked like his target , but when he fluttered up , the man was gone.

He directed his attention quickly to the ghost who was now screaming about grading systems. Glancing back up at the dangling grandfather clock , he cursed , and went back up to the tree.  
The fairies were following his every step as he scanned the branches , again not finding his target among them. As he landed back on his perch , suddenly the giant bell from earlier rang again with a loud “BONG” , and everyone was getting up. 

He grabbed up his bag , and flew down to the dispersing crowd. Unfortunately , he managed to land himself in front of a horde of giants who narrowly squashed him , had not been for the hand that pulled him out.

He got up quickly , and brushed the dust and water? off his mafia-given pants. His savior piped up 

“You good? You looked like you were in some trouble.”

He looked back up at the man who saved him , only to come face to face with his target ,albeit a bit damper then the picture. 

The man must of also had a deja vu , because they stood there for a while before Dan spoke up and said 

“Thanks for saving me , im r- Daniel , the new student.”

The man had a look of surprise and smiled brightly “Im Kevin.”

Kevin asked “What class do you have?”

Suddenly , Dan could feel his cheeks heat-up , but he shook it off and replied “Magical Chemistry , Room 3.”

Kevin cheered and grabbed Dan by the hand , “I have Chemistry too! Come on , i’ll show you too the room.”

Together hand in hand , they raced down the hallways desperately attempting to get to class in time.

He was utterly screwed.


	2. magical chemistry class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// vore/cannabilism at the end , but not very descriptive, and swearing.

They managed to skid into the classroom as the class bell rang. Dan accidentally bumped into a crouching vampire in the middle of a discussion with a witch, who indignantly yelled “HEY! Watch where you’re going!”

Kevin quickly apologized to the vampire “Sorry lumpy!” 

Quickly , they both sat down in the back of the room, where the only seats left were as quietly as they could. 

Suddenly, the doors and windows slammed shut leaving the room in complete darkness. The students didn’t seem to mind, as slithers and whooshes were heard coming into the classroom. 

A vampire entered the room with a slithering sound and spoke with a slight accent   
  


“Hello everyone~. Welcome to Magical Chemistry 2, I’m your teacher, Professor Slime.~~”

As they spoke, slime moved across the room to reach their desk and snatched up a piece of paper. 

“When I call your name, please introduce yourself with your name, pronouns, and what are you. For example” Slime cleared their throat. “I would say, my name is Slime or Vin. You can call me Professor Vin, or Professor Slime. I use any pronouns, and I am a vampire hybrid.” 

Dan doesn’t have to listen closely to hear the little squeaks the chairs were making and a quiet murmuring flying around the students. 

Professor Slime, to their credit, mutters to themself, and Dan can hear just a tiny little “I should’ve asked - for their fucking dagger.” 

-

As the students began to quiet down, and slime starts yelling out names. 

“Aamit Morthos?” 

Dan starts blanking out from there. He looks through the classroom, taking note of the minimalistic design, and a surprising amount of test tubes. 

“Amia Spaces?” 

On any other occasion, Dan would be sitting in the pitch black, thinking he’s hallucinating the voices around him, but the mafia equipped him with special earplugs to heighten his senses.

“.....I also go by Lumpy too.” 

_ He should probably apologize to her….. _

Kevin on the other hand seems much less nervous and was throwing a paper airplane across the room. Dan watched as he geared up to fling the airplane, threw it, and landed it on top of a cyborg’s head. The cyborg who was engrossed in a conversation with a glitch and a ghost hybrid turns around to snatch the offending paper from the air. He then looks at Kevin with a glowing red eye and gives him the middle finger, which Kevin returned with great pleasure. 

The cyborg looks like it would have stomped up to Kevin to throttle him, but the teacher calls his name and he turns around to answer. 

Kevin notices Dan’s dumbstruck face, and leaned over to whisper to him “they’re my friends, the glitch is Jack, the cyborg is Brian, and the ghost-hybrid is David, but we all call him Nogla or Daithi.” Dan simply replied with a quiet “ah”. 

“Oh, this must be our new student, Daniel Condren? Could you stand up and introduce yourself?” Slime said, not minding Daniel’s horrified face. 

Dan wiped his surprisingly sweaty hands on the pressed fabric of his pants, as he stood up next to his desk. He started “Uh-Hi?”, already he could see the eyes and silent giggles of the students fly across the classroom. Slime for their effort firmly told them “Quiet.” and they all listened. 

“My name is Daniel, I’ve moved here from Ireland, i-i use he/him pronouns, and I’m a one- fairy hybrid.” 

_ Fuck. _

No one seemed to notice his slip-up, so he just quickly sat back down and attempted to melt into the walls. Slime stood up from the front of the room and held up a hand like they were going to start talking when someone kicked open the door with a bang. 

Dan jumped up in surprise along with a couple of other fairies and other hybrids, as a loud voice screamed “WHAT THE FUCK SLIME.” from outside the classroom. A giant wave of light blinded the students as another vampire loudly barged into the room and the vampire students desperately ducked into the darkness. 

The vampire sort of  _ swam?  _ up to the desk and the two vampires quietly, angrily conversed. Dan couldn’t hear it all, but he heard little snippets like  _ “I swear to god stop STEALING my practice dummies.”  _ and  _ “I’ll make you into a poison potion don’t you try me.”  _ The vampire’s cheeks shined with shimmering scales that shined a bright red as they argued with Slime.

The vampire left the room a few minutes later, much less angry then they had arrived, and slime breathed a sigh of relief.

A student, who Dan vaguely recognized to be Jack in the dark, spoke up “Prof-” he glitched out of existence for a moment. “Professor Slime, was that- was that Teacher Denial?” 

Slime pinched the bridge of their nose in exasperation and sighed. They lifted their head and replied, “Yes.. that was your combat teacher…” 

A murmur went over the room, about the mysterious combat teacher who just threatened the chemistry teacher.

Slime clapped their hands together to get the attention of the classroom, and said “OKAY ENOUGH OF DENIAL, let’s get to work on a simple healing potion! Get into groups of 6 and make 3 working potions!  **now** .” The students all got up to get into groups, and a couple went to the back of the room to the set of drawers, yanking them out to grab the things inside. Slime groaned, pressing their palms to their eyes, and going around to the desk to grab a drink. 

_ The mafia never taught him how to make potions fuck. _

-

Kevin seemed to notice that Dan was frozen in fear sitting in his chair, so he heaved him up and dragged him across the room to where Jack, Brian, and Daithi were shoving tables together to make a large one.  _ Huh, he’s really strong, maybe he could- NO  _

Kevin dropped Dan upon reaching the table, then quickly leaving to search the cabinets in the back of the room, and Brian quickly kicked a chair underneath Dan. 

Dan pulled the chair up to the table and muttered a thanks to the cyborg,as Kevin came back with an armload of potion supplies. 

He gently sets down, a set of legs, a set of hands, some bottles, a cauldron, three bottles of water, and a dozen warts. Daithi only glances at the legs and hands with venom, as he drifts through the table to sit on Kevin's head. Dan has to stifle a giggle as he looks at a 6’0 ghost sitting on Kevin’s head in utter disgust, and suddenly Kevin’s stomach rumbles loudly out of nowhere. 

Jack starts to glitch in and out of existence, clutching his non-existent chest in laughter. He asks Kevin “Kevin, it’s 1st period how are you  _ already  _ hungry.” Kevin sputters in indignation as Jack continues to glitch and out of existence, Daithi pipes up from his place criss-cross on Kevin’s head “Hey, why don’t you just eat an arm if your hungry, I fucking dare you.” 

Brian and Jack, to their credit, just slowly sink (or in jack’s case dissolve) into their seats, as Kevin ponders the offer. 

Kevin looks up at Nogla and says “$10 bucks and you buy me lunch for the rest of the month.” 

Nogla responds with “deal.” before floating over to a different ghost. 

Jack slides up Dan’s chair and begs the fairy “please. Please stop this.” Jack then slowly slinks back into his chair while staring at Dan with a pleading look. 

_ But if the arm kills him……..his job would be done…..and he wouldn’t have to stay the entire fucking year.  _

Dan looks at the man really about to eat an arm and says “do it if you want, I can’t stop you.” 

Jack’s face immediately falls.

He then buries his face in his hands as Kevin chomps on the arm, and silently chants to himself 

_ One year.one year.one year. _

-

As Kevin makes some sort of a weird loud bear moan as he finishes up the arm, and the entire class simultaneously groans in disgust. Dan realizes he forgot  _ some mermaids were cannibals.  _

He looks up at the clock, only to see that half an hour had gone by, and he had 30 more minutes of this. 

_ 30 more minutes.30 more minutes.30 more minutes. _


End file.
